Were you wondering what happened to Sean Salisbury? No? Tough titties because I am here to tell you that he has overcome his legal troubles and now provides color commentary for the Lingerie Football League. The Lingerie Football League is serious business, as Salisbury will remind us 45 more times over the next 30 minutes. These “athletes” are completely protected wearing hockey helmets and shoulder pads and matching lingerie.
I was out of town this weekend, and I was looking for something to record on the DVR to come back to and stumbled across the “Lingerie Football League.” Because I’m such a big err, uhh, football fan, I recorded it and got around to viewing it last night. After the opening montage of Tom Dore (former voice of Da’ Bulls) hyping up this “playoff picture driven showdown” between the Chicago Bliss and the Seattle Mist, I squealed in delight as Sean Salisbury’s name scrolled across my screen as an announcer. Sean then immediately chimed in how much those in the Pacific Northwest love their, uh, football and how they have the best atmosphere in all of the LFL arenas. This is 7 vs. 7 football and Sean immediately hypes up the “8th man” and Mist Nation after drawing a false start penalty to open up the game. Yep, these fans love football.
After a near interception by a Mist “linebacker,” Salisbury adds that this “linebacker” is one of the best in the league, and then effortlessly names 3 other top “linebackers” in the LFL. All while providing this expert analysis, the “linebacker” pops up on the screen in her lingerie and dances, sweet. The Bliss are able to overcome this top “linebacker” and get the first score. They celebrate by the entire team going to midfield and pulling a Randy Moss fake moon celebration…Salisbury excitedly exclaims “the Seattle fans are going to have a red ass, no pun intended after that one!”
Also, Chicago’s best player is a fullback the announcing duo has nicknamed “the tank.” “The tank” has to be one of the most unfortunate nicknames ever for a woman wearing lingerie playing football.
A near end of half error by the Mist almost results in the clock running out on them on the 1 yard line. Salisbury is incensed and reams out the Mist Coaching staff by saying, “C’mon now, Seattle. You gotta know better clock management; the coaches gotta put them in better position!” I agree Sean, b-farts like that will have Mist fans calling for their coaches head if he keeps that up.
Sadly, for those of you who like your lingerie football games competitive, this game is a laugher. “The tank” and Chicago is too much for Seattle to overcome. The crowd remains into it despite the lopsided score. Sean Salisbury is absolutely floored by the crowd support. Because, the fans are here for football, right? Not the 30 or so ladies running around in lingerie.
Near the end of the game, Sean says, “if you’ve been watching these games friday nights, you’d recognize that this just isn’t pedicures, manicures, and good looking girls…this is great football and they just happen to look great doing it!” Amen, Sean. Amen.
The Lingerie Football League airs on MTV2 at 11 PM on Friday Nights.