The 2008 Pam Ward Chronicles Award Show!


Well that was a fun year wasn’t it? Went by pretty quick too. Last year I had a bit of an Awards Show for the Pammies, so I figured we’d give it another shot this year before we get into the post season. Some of the categories are the same, and some are new, but all highlight the fact that someone will say something dumb, any given Saturday.

As far as though Post Season Pammies, we’ll be putting up open threads for most games, and keeping track of the quotes as the games go along. There might even be a live-blog or two at some point. As always, your help is welcomed and thanks again for a great CFB regular season. Onto the quotes of the year!

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The Captain Obvious Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
“If you run for the endzone, a lot of time, you score.” – Petros Papadakis
“Every tackle you make could be touchdown saving.” – Charles Davis

Winner:
“If the ball hits the ground, by rule it’s incomplete.”- Mike Patrick

The “I Have No Idea What I’m Saying But I’m Going With It Anyway” Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
“Great tackle, er, broken tackle by Charles. Gordon finally gets him in the backfield. Gain of 5 for Charles.”- Pam Ward
“I’m not real good at Math, but that sounds like a backwards pass.”- Ray Bentley
“When you’re a boxer and working the body, the lumberjack swings the ax.” – Doc Walker
“I don’t even know if you’re allowed to say this. But just like you can’t be a little bit pregnant, you also can’t be a little bit spread.”- Gary Danielson on Auburn’s spread offense
“When you watch Tiger Woods, you’re in awe of what he can do with a seven-iron. Watching Matthew Stafford from up here, he’s head and shoulders above most college quarterbacks.” – Gary Danielson
“Then you are under the pile and that is where all the dirty stuff happens.”- Andre Ware
“The French Uppercut”- Dave Pasch

Winner:
“Tim Tebow’s like the snake doctor for Florida. Gotta stop the snake doctor, keep the Gators from moving the ball….this time he snaked Alabama with a play action pass.” – Gary Danielson

The Completely Random Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
“Remember this. Bear Bryant retired at age 69, and he died 28 days after he stopped coaching. If you don’t have something, and a purpose in your life, you’re gonna die.”- Lou Holtz
“This is a guy who is a combination of great courage and nuts.”- Steve Physioc
“I dont know who’s happier, Mr or Mrs Stafford. If that keeps up there might be a little Matthew coming.” – Gary Danielson
“That was the biggest understatement since General Custer said, ‘They look like friendly Indians.’” – Lou Holtz
“Looks like there’s a fag down in the end zone” – Tom Hammond
“Part of the ligament that they replaced in him was a ligament from a cadaver. Yeah, he’s got a part of a dead man in him, but his game is alive!”- Mark Jones

Winner:
“You’re talking about one game. One damn game. The guy was not, the guy was….the guy WAS NOT a good quarterback last year. It was very disappointing. We’re talking about the best quarterback. Not who had the best day! Not who had the weakest damn schedule!!!”- Lou Holtz, after losing the debate segment on Colt McCoy vs. Tim Tebow

The “I Have No Idea What The Rules Of Football Are” Quote Of The Year:

Winning Tie:
“They’ve gotta spike the ball here!” – Pam Ward on a 4th down play
“No more playing it safe! You got to go for it here” – Gary Danielson before a 3rd and 11

The Overly Sexual Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
“Big hole, Brown explodes.” – Brent Musberger
“Jermaine Cunningham comes in his face.”- Mark May
“These guys are making me hot.”- Paul McGuire
“He’s not getting enough tasty balls that he can take a bite at.”- Petros Papdakis
“Once you get wet, you only get wet once.”- Bob Griese
“There’s the line of the day, tell Stacey Dales that!”- Brad Nessler
“We’re actually double-fisting on Kansas and Texas Tech over here.” – Rob Stone

Winner:
“I hope you and Bob are nice and dry while I get wet here in trenches” – Stacey Dales

The Dumbass Quote Of The Year

Runner Ups:
“This is easy. They go to Hester here.” – Danielson
“They would, but Hester is out west these days.” – Lundquist
“Well, last year, they would have.” – Danielson

“Alabama rolling over the Volunteers of Texas 22-3.” – Wendi Nix
“Colt McCoy’s numbers are better than Vince Young’s when he won the Heisman.” – Lou Holtz
“You’re talking two time zones away, three hours difference”- Andre Ware talking about Cal having problems with the time difference

Winner:
“These goalposts are unlike any others in all of college football because they have two uprights.”- Bob Davie

The Funniest Quote Of The Year:

Runner Ups:
“All of those orange fans up there. I would say to our players, they wear orange so they can cheer for their team. They’ll wear the same orange outfit tomorrow to go hunting. And they’ll wear the same orange outfit the last five days of the week in order to pick up trash.”- Lou Holtz

Winner:
“How do you ask your girl ‘hey baby do you want to go to the game’ and then take her up to the rock? I mean it’s not like you got privacy up there”- Mark Jones
“They are certainly enjoying themselves.”- Bob Davie

THE QUOTE OF THE YEAR:

“Ya know, Hitler was a great leader too.”- Lou Holtz

Thanks again for all of your votes, and thanks to our 2008 winner, Pam Ward!

The 2007 Pam Ward Chronicles Award Show! (Awful Announcing)

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