Vince Young with his long-time girlfriend, or so said the Big Lead’s commenters from the thread where I got this photo.

And if the smug of Joe Buck wasn’t enough for you today, we now get to listen to the slobbering of Jim Nantz and the black hole that is Phil Simms. Oof. And Simms is wearing an ugly shirt and tie combination, thus offending the fashion gods.

Did Shannon Sharpe just call them the “Timothy Titans”? – Mal

Emmitt Smith wishes he were as lucid as Shannon.

/Broncos fan

Over/Under on LT knob slobbering by Simms and Nantz in one half? I’ll start it at 20. – SSReporters

Announcers don’t verbally fellate running backs the way they do QBs. I’ll take the under.

Why is Phil Simms dressed like Willy Wonka? – PM

Nantz is his personal Oompa Loompa. These next two are so good they have to go in. You all are on fire today:

If Shannon Sharpe and Emmitt Smith had a conversation:


Emmitt: That may be true, but the Timothy, Tenasity, Tennessee Titans have played more better on the defense end than more than many of the other teams in the league. With Hal Aynesworth working that linear of scrimmage, they could be all over the uh….Chargers.

Shannon: BLUBBLFUBFLBU! – SSReporters

I rarely watch pre-game shows, so it’s a total surprise to learn that the NFL Today has a GM. Does he worry about salary cap issues and try to make deals?

“CBS’s Gus Johnson has been tearing up the minors and should deserve a shot in 2008. Said NFL Today show Charlie Casserly, “We are very close to invoking luxury tax penalties, so unless some of our aging veterans like Enberg and Criqui dont consider restructuring their deals, we may have be forced to disappoint the longtime fans of the NFL Today and let go two men whose contributions to the success of this franchise should be noted.” – Gibbon Jockey

I’m still rolling over here. Let me get composed again to try and type properly. Bravo to both of you. I’m pretty sure Shannon is making names up on purpose now, and AA is correct, Eli looks like a complete herb.

Yeah…Mike Wallace interviewing Roger Clemens on 60 Minutes…that’ll be some hard hitting journalism. I’d also like to note that Joe Buck announced to us that Dallas safety Roy Williams will be replacing Sean Taylor in the Pro Bowl, and that is a traveshamockery, as Williams has done nothing but suck and break his own rule about horse-collar tackling this season.

Of course, all four analysts picked the Chargers, which seems to be a no-brainer — until you consider that this is a NORV!-coached team. If you see NORV! Face, drink, by the way.

Let’s go over our rules. Drink for:

1) NORV! Face
2) Simms talks about his playing career
3) Nantz talks about the Masters
4) Tomlinson knob-slobbered by either announcer
5) Any Patriots references even though they’re not playing
6) Ad for Roger Clemens’ 60 Minutes softball interview tonight

I feel obligated to say this every time I live-blog a Chargers game: the powder-blue alternates should be the regular home unis. Dave Raymer kicks off to the non-Bengal Chris Henry, who gets out to the 38 yard line. Isn’t it nice to see starting lineups? Hey, Fox, you can do this too — it doesn’t take much time.

That wasn’t a formation on first down — that was backyard football right there, Fucking line everyone up outside and throw. Antonio Cromartie knocks down the 2nd down pass to Justin Gage (who wears #12, that cannot be a coincidence.) Third and 10 — VY slugs it to Ahmad Hall, on the screen and he gets 16 and a first down.

“Cromartie was in there bangin’ hard.” – Nantz (via Mal)

Body By LenDale bangs it out on the next two carries for nine yards and VY calls TO in Charger territory. 12 dudes in the huddle gets them a 5 yard penalty for 3rd and 6. VY scrambles for a first down anyway. Gage catches a pass at the 25 — nice way not to drop it.

SSReporters alerts us to the presence of “Eddie Guns” Hochuli. He should be the ref for every big playoff game. The Titans are still pounding it down low. Ahmad Hall gets stopped by Quentin Jammer for no gain inside the 15. Eric Moulds brings in the VY slingshot at the 12. Shaun Phillips whacks VY on the 3rd down, and Rob Bironas is probably coming on to kick.

“35 field goals is the most made by any kicker this year, including four from 50 yards or more.” – Nantz. All this tells me is that the Titans’ red zone offense sucks. Kick is up and good, 3-0 Titans, but that lead isn’t lasting too long.

Those cheerleaders are going to get soaked in that rain. – Mal

I hope this is an observation and not a complaint. San Diego has some of the hottest cheerleaders in the league. LDT up the middle for 2 yards to start after the kickoff. Rivers fumbles on 2nd down — no O-line protection there — and LDT has to fall on it to recover. Short pass to Buster Davis on 3rd down means three and out early. Mike Scifres punts to Chris Davis, who brings it back to about the 42.

Silly me. Talk about the Charger Girls without a link. Sheesh. Here you go. My favorite’s Marlina. Yes, despite the fact that her profile says her favorite player is LDT, “because despite his outstanding athletic ability.” I’m not looking for a brain here.

Chris Brown up for three yards on the first carry. VY gets pounded again on 2nd down, and his shoulder pad is still hanging out. VY ditches it on third down, and is slow to get up after getting waxed by Igor Olshansky (great, great name for a D-lineman.) Hentrich punts to Sproles, who fair catches at the 23 yard line.

Wow were the Chargers just celebrating VY being hurt? – AA
It sure sounded like the crowd was pretty excited about Vince Young getting hisself concussed. – Gibbon Jockey
You stay classy, San Diego. – PM

And Philip hasn’t even started jawing yet. Rivers to Chambers for 5 yards, but it’s canceled by a chop block on the O-lineman on Albert Haynesworth, who showed great restraint by not stomping his ass to the curb this year. Three yards on the next play for SD. Rivers then overthrows Antonio Gates, which is tough because Gates is 6’5″. You really have to try hard to throw it over his head. 3rd and 18 to Brandon Manumaleuna, and he only gets nine. Here comes Scifres — punts it 60+ yards and it’s only returned for 8.

I will always cherish the image of MJD pwning Merriman this season. Classic. – PM

I know I put that video in last night’s live blog, but let’s watch that again.

Never gets old. Ever. Body By LenDale picks up the first down on 3rd and 1. VY hits Troupe across midfield for another 1st. Another rush for a couple more inside. BBL hits for seven more on the next play and is near the first down marker. Titans O-line is owning SD’s defense on run blocking right now — Ahmad Hall picks up the 1st down easily.

I really hated Saliva (the band) before everyone started using that dumbass song “Ladies and Gentlemen” in their promos, so that was agonizing.

Chris Brown gets four to start the second quarter on the ground. Another rush gets five more, then BBL gets the first down and more. He powers some more for 1 yard, and it’s 2nd and 9 at the Chargers’ 12. “Ball’s out! — ball pops into the air,” says Nantz, and Shaun Phillips recovers the Chris Brown fumble.

I wish the wolf in this Jeep “Rock Me Gently” ad would eat everyone rather than sing along. Apparently some of you were expecting a Chris Brown fumble like Giants fans expect Eli picks.

“The hustle by Shawne Merriman — and the fact that he’s really big — leads to the fumble.” – PS. Yeah, no mention of Gigantosaurus’ roiding. Rivers to Gates for the Bolts’ first 1st down of the day. LDT carries for a couple, and a flag is picked up — no penalty. Mention of Clemens interview tonight — DRINK!

Rivers side-arms to Chambers for 30 yards over the top at the Titans 40.

“Chris Chambers has made a difference since he’s been here.” – PS. Ow, ow, ow. Stop hurting my brain. Yes, having a competent receiver will make a difference.

It’s like someone has to remind NORV! a few minutes into every game that he has the best running back and the best tight end in the league. – Hanrahan

After that first down, a stuffed run and two incomplete passes by Rivers are going to bring Scifres back out again. We’d like to remind NORV! that LDT can catch the ball on a screen or two. Scifres pooches it to the Titans. BBL rushes for two, and then loses four by slipping on the screen pass yet still catching the ball. Chris Davis is knocked out before the first down marker — oh, now they’re calling it incomplete. Hentrich comes on.

Donnie Nickey just saved a really big return there because Darren Sproles looked like he was about to break it if he hadn’t been tackled at the Titans 42.

Phil Rivers goes throwgasm on us — and is struck by the luck of the Black Irish, as Cortland Finnegan picks him off in the end zone, getting position on Chris Chambers.

Ooh…Little Philip’s getting pissy with his fellow players.


Obviously, Merriman has only received injections of lidocaine and B-12.

Roger Clemens

p.s.: Remember the children! – PM

+1 to you. Apparently no one on either side of the ball is capable of catching it when they are on offense. Can someone tell me that these aren’t NFC teams we’re watching? Hentrich punts to Sproles, ball back at midfield again. LDT gets three on the carry. Vanden Bosch nearly sacks Rivers again on 2nd down.

“Vanden Bosch wasn’t quite able to finish him off.” – JN. FATALITY!

Rivers hits Vincent Jackson, who goes to the Titans 26. Gates loses a yard on the short pass, and takes some time getting up. He’s back on the ground.

Rivers is so weak….he could be Eli 2.0. – AA
This is how bad Eli and Rivers have been: they were traded for one another, and no one can really decide who got screwed on that deal. – PM

At least Eli’s now won a playoff game. PM also advises us that Nantz pimped the Masters, everyone sip your tasty beverage. Rivers airs it out to Chambers after Gates gets carted off, and it’s knocked away in the end zone by Michael Griffin. Good play by Griffin. Kicker Nate Kaeding is on for a 44 yarder — and it’s no good. That was a wounded duck.

CBS seems to cover the NFL a HELLUVA lot better than FOX because they only need 2 people talking during the game, not the 4 FOX gives us, or the 5 ESPN gives us. – SSReporters

Nantz and Simms suck up all the air time. Who could get a word in edgewise, anyway? I suppose it’s better in a sense, but still….

Anyway, the Titans are working it down the field, and we have some NORV! Face looking down and dour in his cap. SLAINTE!!!

I agree with SSR on this one: Young’s throwing motion is nice, if side-armed, it’s what you expect from a 6’5″ guy who was probably taller than most of the people he was throwing to. He had to adjust it somehow. I just hate this because it reads like Tennessee is looking to get just close enough for Bironas to kick a field goal, and that’s boring as hell.

Unless NORV! is scribbling “give the ball to Tomlinson more” on his note pad, it’s not gonna help him. Bironas’ 44-yarder is good, and we’ll go to the half 6-0, Titans. Blech. See you in the next thread.