“Traffic and weather together on the 20s.” – AM, after Andrea Kremer explains the snow and slush. Windy out there, the ball’s fallen off the tee twice. Shaun Suisham kicks off to the Giants, and the returner takes it up to the 37. Eli goes incomplete on 1st down. Brandon Jacobs busts one for about 13 yards for a 1st down.
“Plaxico Burress is living out the Allen Iverson rant about practice.” – AM
Eli throws incomplete on the next two passes, and it’s 3rd and 10. He misses Burress again on a bomb, and the punt to Randle El is down at the Skins 15. A few of you have already cracked “Unstoppable” jokes. Nicely done.
Southeast Jerome gets the first carry for a few yards on first down, does the same for less on 2nd down.
“Antwaan Randle El, auditioning for his own game show.” – AM. A very interesting intro for the WR, as he drops it on third down. Punt on, and it’s awful — goes to the Giants 42 with a flag, and that will put the Giants into Skins’ territory. Jacobs gets nothing on the carry.
Celebrity Apprentice and Clash of the Choirs. My day job is in news for an NBC affiliate. We crack jokes about our awful prime-time line-up daily. NBC has had to give back money to advertisers this year.
Jacobs gets nothing on 2nd down, Eli’s first completion is to Reuben Droughns, but it’s short. 4th and 1, and the offense is still on — Droughns gets the rush, but I’m not so sure he actually got it. Short by inches, Skins will get it back at their own 39. Collins overthrows on 1st down, and Clinton Portis gets decked while jumping for a screen pass on 2nd. Right at the knees. Fred Robbins brings Collins down on the 3rd, and another punt’s coming.
Jacobs runs for three more after the punt, and makes it about a 3rd and 1 after rushing again. John Madden just bungled LaRon Landry’s name badly. Elisha rolls out and hits Plax on 3rd down to move the chains.
Oops — Eli just fumbled after getting sacked. Redskins fall on it on the NY 35. Janky Spanky rushes for a couple to the outside, and of course, is wearing the freakiest shoes on the team. Collins gets another incomplete, and it’s a third and 4 — Sam Madison drops a sure pick. Punt is fair caught at the 11.
Eli is unstoppable, and Brady Quinn is kinda busy on Sundays. – Mookie
A montage of Eli talking about how hard it is to play quarterback — nice. “Some of those performances haven’t been pretty”? Is that all you can say, Al? I mean, come on. Most of them were pretty ugly. Another 3 and out for the Giants, Randle El brings the punt out to about midfield. Portis busts out for a first down on the next two plays. I think the Redskins might have figured out that the best way to go here is to have Todd Collins just be a ball dispenser to Sheriff Gonna Getcha.
As soon as I write that, Collins throws another incompletion and it’s 3rd and 7. Giants CB Aaron Ross knocks away the third down pass from Chris Cooley. Suisham comes on for a 50 yard FG-try — it barely clears, but it’s still good. 3-0, Skins.
Lamar Bradshaw takes the kickoff to midfield, but another three and out sends out Jeff Feagles again. Punt returned to the 18 by Randle El. Portis rushes for a few, and I think we have both teams’ offensive template for this game: Rush RB Right/Left, Rush RB Up The Middle, Incomplete Pass, Punt.
Ah yes, finally — our first UNSTOPPABLE Eli Manning ad!
Todd Collins’ face looks like it was chiseled from some type of rock. Given his career trajectory in the NFL, I’d probably guess he contains as much brainpower as said rock. 3 and out for punt #8, and we’re barely into the 2nd quarter. That’s another three and out, punt #9 is on. 2-for-18 between both Collins and Manning. The wind and general suck is making for a nice ineptitude level. Randle El takes it to the Skins 20. I’m currently on my second OJ, cranberry juice, and vodka and it will take at least one more to make this tolerable.
Ah yes, the Buzz — all about Brett Favre, and the mojo of Favre getting mentioned rubs off on Collins, as he hits Santana Moss for 35 yards for his first completion of the game. He then hits the Tight End Not Chris Cooley (Todd Yoder) for another 30 on the very next play. Antonio Pierce then sacks Collins, trying to rush out of trouble.
“That stretch play is the hardest play to make when you’re a starting quarterback over 35.” – JM
“Needs to take some yoga.” – AM
3rd down just outside the Giants’ 10 gets knocked down by Sean Dockery, and Suisham is on again — 31 yard try is up and good.
“That looked like a screwball; it looked like he hooked it left and it went back through the uprights.” – AM
Hell, it still counts. 6-0, Skins.
Ganked from the Deadspin commentariat, possibly the truest assessment of the Skins: “The Washington Redskins: Turning promising drives and red zone possessions into field goals since 2005.”
Bradshaw doesn’t make it out to the 20 with the kickoff, as he has issues with the return. Bradshaw rushes for about five on first down. Shockey catches the next pass, but then Michael Matthews drops Eli’s next pass.
“He’s the blocking tight end, and you see why he’s the blocking tight end.” – JM on the Matthews drop. 2nd down is an incomplete to Amani Toomer. No first down, and Feagles kicks for punt #9; the Skins will start at their own 40.
Sorry. I stopped watching when they started talking about the proposal. I’m supposed to care that some player in New York is getting married, why?- Anon
I was fixing a drink while that went on myself, but I suppose it’s the rule that “if it’s the New York Giants, it matters to everyone in America.”
Hm. The Paula Creamer UNSTOPPABLE ad. D’you think they swapped the Eli one out for it at the last minute?
I demand a recount of people who consider Nick Lachey a musical superstar involved with Clash of the Choirs. Portis gets smacked at the line of scrimmage, Collins hocks it out of bounds.
“Anyone that has to throw it, kick it, or catch it.”- JM
Isn’t that almost everyone John? – AA
Yup. Offensive PI is declined, and here comes punt #10. The wind kept blowing the ball back towards the Giants’ end zone, and it rolls to the 4 yard line. It says a lot about this game that the wind blowing punts back is probably the most exciting thing we’ve seen so far.
Wow, that was dumb. Sinorice Moss, put on your dunce cap. He had the first down and then ran backwards to try and avoid the tackle ON A THIRD DOWN PLAY. Coach Hartman (Coughlin) better chew his ass out for that. Punt #11!
From the Mottram Brothers: Queen Latifah, big fan of Portis in the SNF intro:
Collins misses Moss going deep, but he hits Santana for 34 yards two plays later. Nice adjustment. Portis gets zip on the next play at the 15. Collins’ end zone pass for Moss is knocked down by Sam Madison. Ladell Betts comes in and then bashes his way into the end zone right up the middle, Kick is up and good, and it’s 13-0, Redskins.
I suppose I’m not taunting Redskins fans too badly by stating that there is still more than a half of football for Joe Gibbs to blow this with some form of insane call.
Eli hits Shockey for a 1st down, Jacobs then rushes for eight more on top of that. The next incompletion leads us to the two minute warning, and another reminder of just how UNSTOPPABLE! Eli is. Eli, upon return, bombs a pass to Burress that’s incomplete — but LaRon Landry’s going to get an unsportsmanlike for taunting, meaning an automatic first down. All I can think is, “That’s called for taunting?” Weak.
Eli hits Burress at the 21 yard line on the next play. Brandon Jacobs double dongs Fred Smoot with his helmet while rushing. The drive stalls with incomplete passes, and Lawrence Tynes kicks a field goal to make it 13-3, Skins. Giants now on the board.
John: “Dumb plays age coaches.”
Al: “And Joe Gibbs is 67, the oldest coach in the league.”
John: “He’s 73 right now, I can tell you that.”
Southeast Jerome gets the wheels going, popping for 31 yards on a draw play, plus another 15 for a face mask on the defense. Skins at the 26 — Portis jukes and spins for eight more.
Did they really just run that same play three times in a row? Hilarious. – AA
You know, that’s bound to work. Defneders are thinking, “Wow, they’re not gonna run the same play again,” and then, when they do, they do “They’re not gonna run it three times in a row.” 3rd and goal from the Giants 8, and here comes Suisham for another FG after Collins is sacked. 16-3, Skins, as we go to halftime. See you in the 2nd half thread.