Hey, Peyton, where’s that other hand going?

No Chris McAllister or Samari Rolle for Baltimore. This may not even be close. Indy takes the kickoff up to the 35 yard line to start. Joseph Addai gets stuffed on 1st down, Ben Utecht catches it on 2nd down for about five. Bart Scott’s on the ground now to boot.

You can’t tell me someone not familiar with a Wii hasn’t done exactly what happened in that Southwest Airlines commercial in real life. I know that has to have happened somewhere.

Anthony Gonzalez brings in the Peyton pass at the 48 for a first down. Addai gets exactly nothing again on the next play. Ravens tackle Haloti Ngata is on the ground, and we’ve spent more time in commercials than we have on the game so far.

“[Terrell Suggs] is going to have his way with that rookie tackle for the rest of this game.” – JM

I feel really weird when announcers say that. It’s like they’re going to violate someone in unspeakable ways. Gonzalez catches another third down pass to convert in Baltimore territory. A rush gets a yard, and the next pass to Dallas Clark is incomplete. Manning steps up on the rush, air mails it to Reggie Wayne for six. Pretty pass. 7-0 after the PAT.

I smell rout with all the B-more defensive injuries before the game and during it so far.

Hey S2N, just so you know there was a huge slobbering of Peyton by JM in the pregame. I’d put that at one. – AA

Thanks. Must have missed that when I went to get dinner. Peyton Knob-Slobbering at 1. Ravens get the kickoff, and Yamon Figurs goes to the 26. Boller screens it to McGahee, nothing much there. Boller’s almost picked after another McGahee rush, but he’s bailed out on 3rd down via an illegal contact flag on Gary Brackett. McGahee promptly suffers a case of fumbleitis and Indy recovers — Marlin Jackson takes it to the Ravens’ 12.

Manning goes right to Utecht, who misses the end zone by about a yard. Joseph Addai walks in to the end zone. 14-0, Colts, after Viniateri adds the point. This is bad and may get worse.

Giants vs. Redskins next week? God, I’m going to have so much fun making fun of Eli relentlessly. Figurs returns the kick with a flag on the play — holding on the Ravens. Boller completes a pass to the fullback for nine — and he’s on the ground hurt. That’s three injury time-outs in the first quarter. Bob Sanders smacks McGahee up behind the line of scrimmage on 2nd down. Boller gets the first on a QB sneak, then scampers for five or six on the next play.

Oh, how nice: another injury timeout, this time for Indy’s Robert Mathis. McGahee gets a first down after giving Marlin Jackson a good old fashioned stiffarm. Boller rushes again and slides for four on 1st down, getting whacked by Brackett on the way down. McGahee churns for another first down by grabbing 13 to the right side. Willis is working it into Colts territory, getting 7 more.

“This looks like ER — there’s an injury on every play.” – AM, as McGahee is headed off the field. Brackett picks off Boller and heads all the way to the Ravens’ 20, giving Peyton another automatic touchdown at this point — there’s no secondary to stop the Colts right now.

Manning to Addai on a short out to the left, and he jogs it in for six. 21-0, Colts. 300 touchdown passes for Peyton in his career, and the first quarter’s not even over yet. They just showed shots of Brackett doing something resembling Ray Lewis’ dirty bird dance.

Ravens start on the 26, and rush it for a couple yards.

“Thank you, Andrea Kremer, R.N.” – AM, after a sideline report on an injury update. Bob Sanders tackles the receiver after the catch, and they’re short of the 1st down. Hey, a punt’s better than a turnover, right? Well, not if it’s blocked — and it goes right out of the end zone for a SAFETY. 23-0, Colts. Oof.

T.J. Rushing brings the safety punt back to the Colts’ 35.

“Doesn’t Peyton Manning look like he has everything under control?” – JM
“Always.” – AM

That’s #2. Manning goes to Wayne for a first down.

What the hell just happened? Saddle bags??? – Anon

I couldn’t quite figure out why that got mentioned or what it was in reference to either. Addai gets the carry for maybe a yard or two to start the second quarter. Manning to Clark to the Ravens 23 after Al accidentally calls him “Dwight Clark.” Addai pushes forward to the 17.

I am utterly disgusted that I, a resident of the largest media market in the country, can’t even listen to this game because Nets/Wizards and the 3-10 Jets post-game show takes priority. – Aunt Charlie

Nowhere near a TV, I take it? You’re not missing a whole lot.

Ah, finally, a montage of Robert Irsay’s Midnight Move. Manning tosses to Gonzalez for another chunk of yardage. Joseph Addai gets touchdown number #3 of the day by scampering in from 11 yards out. 30-0, Colts after the point. Like Al said, folks: this is too easy for the Colts right now.

That Wendy’s ad with the singing burger is mildly disturbing, and that’s even before you’re exposed to bars of Air Supply. As for Clash of the Choirs, it’s like NBC wants to kill any viewership it might have that isn’t The Office or 30 Rock.

Yamon Figurs goes scampering down the sideline on the kick return to the house. 30-7, Colts. At least there won’t be a shutout.

Rushing brings the kick back out to the 24, after John agitates for an onside kick from the Ravens.

“Don’t you feel that [Peyton] knows more about what he’s doing than you know about what you’re doing?” – JM. That’s #3. Addai gets 2 yards on 1st down, and the pass from Manning after that is incomplete. Addai gets stopped up on 3rd down, and Indy goes 3 and out after some nifty jazz hands by Peyton at the line of scrimmage. Punt is downed by the Colts at the Baltimore 23.

“See Al, this is why you need to leave the M.A.S.H. reports to me!” – Andrea Kremer.

Boller rushes yet again after McGahee’s first down run. I think he’s actually had to run more times than he’s thrown the ball so far this game. Think we get to see Troy Smith any time soon? Another 3 and out for the Ravens. Indy gets slightly worse field position due to a holding call.

I would love to say this is the most boring high scoring game I’ve ever seen, but I’m live-blogging the Falcons-Saints game tomorrow. – AA

That might actually be competitive in a “both our defenses stink” way. This is just a one-sided abuse-fest. Addai gets a first down on another short pass and yardage afterwards. Peyton airs out another deep ball to Anthony Gonzalez, who beats the corner to the end zone. Viniateri’s kick is good — 37-7, Colts. Guh.

“See, Baltimore hates Indianapolis, but Cleveland hates Baltimore. Joanie loves Chachi and we love Paris in the springtime. My stream of consciousness can be a bad thing.” – AM

I really don’t have a comment to respond to that one. Kyle Boller breathed and got intercepted again. Kenton Keith then rushes for not much as the Colts get the ball back. Al’s comparisons of Peyton to a great racing horse or something like that makes sense to me because Manning has a horse-face.

“Jazz Hands Manning is beating them by 30+ and you bums could only manage a 3 pt victory? You assholes make me sick!” –seen on Patriots locker room bulletin board – Signal to Funk

Dude, I have no problem believing that Coach Hobo would write something like that. Gee, the Ravens forced a Colts punt? Downed at the 2 yard line.

“It was like a volleyball tap.” – AM, on the Indy effort to keep the punt out of the end zone — and then notes how it hit the player in the face. Al is breaking out his Cosell impersonation again, noting that Howard would get free lunches from the mayor in certain cities and then pimp the city during the broadcast. Boller gets sacked back at the 2-yard line.

Just got home from the in-laws, turned on the TV, and was greeted with this debacle. Did the Ravens forget they were playing tonight, or are they still too busy complaining about last week to actually be competitive? – OMDQ

Last week they played for Sean Taylor. This week, they remembered they still play for Brian Billick. 37-7, Colts, at halftime.