This is perhaps the oddest and most entertaining story I’ve come across in quite some time. I have a history of “uncovering” this sort of thing, so it doesn’t surprise me that I was drawn to this piece. An unknown person is sending poison laced letters to schools and sports networks for….get this…..

Not showing enough scantily clad cheerleaders on TV.

I wish I was kidding. The dude/dudette has been sending these things since 2004, and now the FBI is involved.

In excerpts of the letters released Tuesday by the FBI, the unknown author seems to accuse sports broadcasters of focusing cameras on lightly dressed cheerleaders for their own amusement.

“Pigs park their cameras on us close up, front view, dozens of times each game, yet rarely ever show on TV in this manner, unless squads are wearing sweaters, jackets, under shirts, etc,” the author said in a 2004 letter.

The way that exerpt is written leads me to believe that this is a pissed off cheerleader who hasn’t gotten his/her 15-minutes of fame, but either way the story is awesome. Want another letter? You got it.

“For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time … because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits,” the author said in a December 2006 letter. “If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time. So, we are fed up with this constant exploitation.”

I’m so confused yet so giddy about this at the same time. I haven’t felt these emotions since I first learned about sex. So let me get this straight… think you are being exploited by NOT being on TV? Oh you smart, smart cheerleader person you. You are even confusing yourself now aren’t you? Just put the pesticide down, and rest your pretty little head on that pillow there. That’s nice isn’t it. Now rest my love. Just rest.

FBI Exploring Strange Letters (Seattle PI)
Re-live How You Probably First Came To AA (Awful Announcing)
You Know You Could Just Call The Complaint Line (Signal To Noise)
FBI Investigating Anti-Cheer Terrorists (With Leather)