Trudging Through the Outback

So I know I promised all 7 of you a review of one of the American Sportscasters Online Interviews, but I might not get to it. And this is only because I’m still reeling from my first viewing of the “New and Improved” Baseball Tonight.

Baseball is already a sport of cliches (as most sports are), but to hear them over and over and over and over and over and over again describing a hitter is just mind numbingly maddening. Now I’m pretty sure they are just trying out lineups (for some reason John Kruk was absent last night- maybe he was fired too), but a lineup of Ravech, Moral Orel, and Tino is NOT going to work.

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I could only force my eyes and ears open long enough to watch through two segments, but this is what I got:

Segment 2: This actually came later in my viewing, but Segment 1 was so ridiculous I had to build the suspense. Coming back from commercial Ravey gets on the horn with the most random collection of people ever to talk about the trade deadline.

Side Note: I know I have readers in Chicago and Minnesota, so if you know these guys please tell me who the hell they are.

Our guests were Bruce Levine (who I can’t find in Wikipedia, presumably from Chicago), La Velle Neal (who I can’t find in Wikipedia, presumably from Minnesota), and some guy named Dan Graziano (whose nickname is probably Rocky, but I couldn’t find in Wikipedia). I’m pretty sure they are all writers though. (My thinking at the time……Greaaaaat this should go Flawlessly.)

Well they are talking about the AL Central and who’s going to trade for whom, but I couldn’t even make out what they were talking about. The cell connections were so bad that all I could understand was (Cusssshshshshss) Liriano (cuuussusssshshhh) Soriano (cuuususuhhhhh) trade (cusushshsshshh) Playoffs.

And after all of that Karl Ravech had the nerve to ask them who they thought was getting the Wild Card!!! As if they were going to say any team but the one they write for.

Open Letter to ESPN: Can we please stop this joke of a process whereas the host of a show knows nothing but East Coast sports and finds it necessary to call up a jackass beat reporter on a bat phone? I completely blame Colin Cowherd, and he will get his due on this site, but you didn’t have to copy the process……LET ALONE HIRE THE ASS!!! Thank you for your time, Awful Announcing P.S.- I miss you Harold…….XOXOXOXO

Segment 1: Below are two quotes from our fabulous new color guys Orel and Tino.

Describing Jesse Barfield….”This kid has Quick Hips…….Quiiiiiick Hips. Most of that is genetics”- Orel

Now I know who Jesse’s dad is, but do you really think the kid wants his hips compared to those of his dad? Let alone have Orel drag out the second Quiiiiiiick when describing his body. And Orel….umm….muscle reaction is not passed down through genes.

Describing Chase Utley….”Quick hands inside…..Goes short to long with good extension…..quick inside”- Tino

Okay…(looking past how overtly gay these comments are) the funny thing about this was watching/listening to Tino struggle trying to tell this in time with Utley’s swing on screen. He struggled so badly that he didn’t even say the kid’s name….he just went right into the quote above and then was done talking. Ravech had to swoop in behind and cleanup because there was just dead air.

So Gentlemen and Lady (although I think there are three of you that read) I introduce you to your new and improved Baseball Tonight…..

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