The Simmons Review- V.11, Attack of the Clones

***REMINDER***- Simmons is on The Colbert Report tonight. Be here early tomorrow for a review and discussion (for those of you that haven’t heard him speak…..brace yourself.)

Onto Review 11…..

Okay here’s my pet peeve #1 out of 430,298 on Sportswriters. Don’t Recycle! On the surface it’s very annoying, but even moreso you are basically degrading your readers by trying to slip old stuff by them a second time. Sure you have new readers who may not know the “Ewing Theory” or “The Rules in Vegas”, but that’s what you have archives for. I don’t try to throw my Mark Jackson- Point Break piece back on you. Seriously Bill don’t forget your Roots.

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Well our latest and greatest article comes from the new edition of ESPN: The Mag……Building The Halls of Justice. But before you read that peep this: Pyramid Scheme Could Really Help. And also note that “Pyramid Scheme” was originally wrote in January of 2002 and was a vault article on January 4th of 2004. Does anyone catch where I’m going with this now? Stay with me…….

Reason #1 Not to Recycle: It’s pretty easy to figure out that you’ve recycled old material.


From Halls of Justice (HOJ)- “2. Halls of Fame restructured like pyramids. We’ll assign each elected player to a level”

From Pyramid Scheme (PS)- “So why couldn’t we transform it into a five-level pyramid — seriously, an actual pyramid, like a replica of the Luxor casino in Las Vegas — where elected players are assigned to different levels?”

Reason #2 Not to Recycle: You end up coming up with more ridiculous statements in a sweeping fashion (and not offering any statistical evidence).


HOJ- “There are six elements in sports that simply don’t work: sideline reporters, All-Star voting, MVP voting, Halls of Fame, WNBA players participating in NBA All-Star Weekend and TV essays that columnists awkwardly read off of teleprompters.

Here’s his résumé: six All-Star Games, one Finals MVP, one second-team All-NBA selection, four first-team All-Defense selections. He was never a franchise player, much less a defining one.”
Right, you say a category (All-Star Voting) doesn’t work, but then you use it in your criteria of a HOFer? That makes a ton of sense.

PS-
“People would argue endlessly about which players belong on which levels. It would be the “Ginger vs. Mary Ann” of sports debates. Is Koufax an “L4″ or an “L5″? Does Ryan even make it past “L1″? Does Yaz crack the “L3″s? Should Brooks Robinson, Clemens and Morgan be “L4″s? Should The Eck even be an “L1″? Is Ripken an “L5″ because he broke Gehrig’s record? What about Barry Bonds, who certainly seems to have the requisite credentials on paper for the Pantheon. And on and on and on …”
Let me tell you something…..the Hall of Fame isn’t for the fans, the teams, or the writers. It’s for the player. The reason being, is that you are in a hollowed group of your peers. You are among the greatest…..do the players care if they are better than one another? Probably not…..that’s part of what makes them HOFers to begin with.


And Finally Reason #3 Not to Recycle: You contradict your original article.


HOJ- “Halls of Fame restructured like pyramids. We’ll assign each elected player to a level, with the shakiest picks (the Phil Rizzuto types) on the first floor; solid guys (the Terry Bradshaw types) on the second; no-brainers (the Wade Boggs types) on the third; defining superstars (the Tom Seaver types) on the fourth; and the pantheon guys (The Babe, MJ and the like) in the penthouse.”

PS- “Modern “L1″ examples: Carter, Sutton, Phil Niekro, Gaylord Perry, Gossage, Rice, Morris, Catfish Hunter, Wade Boggs, Tony Perez, Lee Smith, Rollie Fingers, Tom Glavine (if he keeps going strong). You get the idea.”
So in your magical pyramid scheme Wade Boggs jumps from a “Level 1″ to a “Level 3″ in just two short years? Wade didn’t even make the Hall until 2005, so does that mean he had two miraculous years in between your articles? Oh that’s right!!! He retired in 1999. Silly me I forgot about the 5 year waiting period.

So there you have it…..a lesson in not trying to pass old articles as new onto your readers. Just one more sign that you are mailing it in. If you’re going to mail it in then just tell us. In fact here’s my email: bspowell@gmail.com. Let me know first…..I’d like to break the story (kinda how you broke the Celtics Trade Story).

(Also: Another Blogger has jumped into the Simmons’ Ring: Crazy Little Thing Called Blog)

Welcome Brother.


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