Coming out of an awful piece involving Ahmad Rashad and Shaquille Oneal (apparently it was about some bowl that has something in it that Shaq nor any of the rest of the Sorry Ass Heat will reveal. I only caught the tail end of the story, but I can tell already I don’t really care). Well the gem came immediately after when Stu Scott (don’t worry he’ll have his moment on this site) stated, “The rest of the Heat players know what’s in the bowl, they know what’s in there….and they ain’t talking.”
Mark A. Jackson, the number two player in career assists, replied, “Man, I’d love to rob a bank with those guys!”
Um what?!?! Excuse me? I don’t even want to take the whole “sterotype of black athletes” angle because that’s not my bag, but come on. That’s the last thing a former star in the NBA should be saying before a major broadcast. No I won’t take that angle….I will take the angle that immediately came to me, and that’s making fun of it.
I first imagined Mark assembling a rag-tag ensemble of former NBA stars who have gone on to broadcasting careers, in Point Break’esque fashion wear the masks of former white NBA Superstars, and terrorize banks up and down the California Coast. Here’s my list:
Mark A. Jackson– Dressed with a John Stockton mask of course. Stock is the man he is second to in assists and seems only natural. Mark is the ringleader and drives the getaway car.
Charles Wade Barkley– Dressed as former teammate Tom Chambers. Chuck is the muscle in this gang, is crazy, and flies of the handle at times. It’s Mark’s job to keep him in check.
Earvin Magic Johnson– Dressed as Pistol Pete Maravich. Magic is the one with “nothing to lose” if you catch my drift……he battles with Chuck as the crazy one in the gang. The two of them work hard, but party harder.
William Theodore Walton– Dressed as a decoy…..Bill Russell. Walton is the heel of the group and his oafiness and overall absentmindedness is what causes the group to slip up on occasion. Walton is what you could call “Expendable” in Jackson’s eyes.
Movie Tagline: 27 banks in three years – anything to (hit) catch the perfect (shot) wave!
(Yes, I have no life…….)