Opening Day

LIVE BLOGGING TONIGHT!!! Be there for P-Diddy, The Rascal Flats, and Football. RSVP to your mom.

So in case you weren’t aware it’s opening day for the NFL. I’ve purposely passed on giving you another preview/prediction post(s)……and you know why? So I can take the time and do the research to give you the rundown of every announcing team in football.

Yep, that’s right…..EVERY announcing team.

What’s that you say? You already know every announcing team in Pro Football?

That’s why I’m giving you EVERY announcing team in Pro AND College Football with a small factoid about each. Were you aware that there’s an announcing team on OLN? You weren’t? What about the team that would replace Joe and Troy on Fox if they and four other announcing teams died in a fiery plane crash??? You’re not sure? Well that’s what I’m here for. Let’s get into this……Pro first with College coming later today. In case you’re wondering…..i’m giving a write-up on the main team, and a haiku for the back up teams. Why you ask? Because I have no life…..but you already knew that right?

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PRO:

The World Wide Leader:

Mike Tirico
Joe Theismann
Tony Kornheiser

Already reviewed them a couple of times this preseason (here), so what can I say? If anything it’s that Joe Theismann is as maddening as ever, so that will ensure good times during the Phildelphia blowout of Green Bay Week 4. Theismann will spend the entire second half fellating Brett Favre, and Tony K. will walk out of the booth and high-tail it out of town (in his bus of course). Fun Tidbit: Mike Tirico went to Bayside High School. Where he was suspended five days for sexually harassing Mr. Belding.

NBC:

Al Michaels
John Madden

Turducken, Turducken, Turducken, Turducken, Turducken, Turducken
Fun Tidbit: Al is the only anno
uncer to call all four major sports championships (Bob Wolff has also done so, but before the SuperBowl era). Also after all this time he still doesn’t understand Madden’s use of the telestrator on the Turkey during the Thanksgiving game.

Fox:

A Team:

Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Sideline= Pam Oliver

As if Joe Buck wasn’t overexposed enough he’s now on the pregame show. My head is already hurting. Troy isn’t that bad in the booth, and still learning a few things. I fully expect for Steve Smith to celebrate a touchdown by punting a baby into the stands around Week 8, so stay tuned for Joe Buck’s reaction.
Fun Tidbit: Pam Oliver is listed as a Hostess on Wikipedia….I think they’re trying to tell you something P.O……Fridays is hiring.

The Rest:

-Dick Stockton, Daryl Johnston, Sideline= Tony Siragusa
Ex Boy pairs with Dick
Lifeless talk is highlighted
by fat goose squaking
-Kenny Albert, Brian Baldinger, Sideline= Chris Meyers
Chris does double time
Ex-Lineman named Baldy with

Football’s Steve Baldwin
-Sam Rosen, Tim Ryan
Hockey Announcer
Moved to Football booth with stiff
That should work very well
-Ron Pitts, Terry Donahue
Ex-player and coach
As one they shall be great team
If egos don’t clash
-Matt Vasgersian, JC Pearson, Sideline= Jay Glazer
Newly Developed
Baseball combined with football
Always seems to work
-Josh Lewin, Bill Maas
Main guy has a lisp
Other guy cannot form sentence
Yay Kudos to Fox

CBS:

A Team:

Jim Nantz, Phil Simms

One of the more likeable teams (and they aren’t using sideline reporters!!!), but Nancy’s repeated use of the word “guys” has developed into a drinking game for me. But only when I watch the Ravens and Browns games by myself.
Fun Tidbit: My favorite commentating Nantz has ever done was on Golden Tee Golf…..that should tell you how I feel about him.

The Rest:

-Greg Gumbel, Dan Dierforf
Brother hates ex-commish
Dan leaves Enberg in the Dust
Welcome to Boredom
-Dick Enberg, Randy Cross
Dick is getting old
Randy no longer has mustache
Generation gaps
-Kevin Harlin, Rich Gannon
Harlin knows George Brett
Gannon needs to rest hurt neck
Both need much support
-Gus Johnson, Steve Tasker
Clean Cut Gentleman
Mixed with psycho ex Gunner
Yin and Yang Complete
-Ian Eagle, Solomon Wilcots
YES Network Caller
With Sideline reporter Cots
Hello Buffalo
-Don Criqui, Steve Beuerlein
Who is Don Criqui?
Steve is now on his tenth team
Shame it’s gonna suck
-Bill Macatee, Rich Baldinger
Another Baldy
Bill should stay on the Tennis scene
Great Job C.B.S.

So there you have it folks. The people who get paid to bring you football every Sunday, Monday, Thursday, and occasionally Saturday. Back with the college lineup later.

P.S.- My predicition for tonight’s game…….Steelers 20-14.

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