On Third (and hopefully final) Thought

Okay so I’ve flip-flopped on this Tony Kornheiser thing more times than John Kerry (2004 Election Joke…..BAM!), so I need to come to some conclusion here. My initial thought would be that I should instantly defend him because he’s from DC and I’ve read him for years. I’ve enjoyed him most of the time over that span, and knew that I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Well you know what? That’s B.S. I can’t give him preferential treatment for any reason so here we go…..Tony Kornheiser sucks in the booth, and I’m going to tell you why. But first some of my previous Tony points to consider

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1st Post-MNF Announcing Preview

  • As far as the booth….He wasn’t that bad. Yes there was a Seinfeld joke in the first two minutes, but he settled into the groove. I liked that he called Theisman out on his ridiculousness, and it seems that this team is going to hinge on that relationship.

2nd Post- On Second Thought

  • Also, I’ve come to a realization. Tony Kornheiser is not funny without Wilbon. He had two of the worst jokes that I’ve ever heard (yes, even worse than Dennis Miller).
    1) “It’s 5,000 Degrees out here……It’s Indonesia Hot!”- TK 2) “Oh he’s talking to the Coordinator? I thought he was ordering a pizza.”- TK. (More on this later, but Tony just isn’t funny off the cuff. It’s a tough thing to do, but you have to be able to do so in that position.)
  • I just don’t see it working out. Joe Theisman isn’t clever enough to keep of with Kornheiser, and Tony isn’t good enough without the conflict (and Mike Tirico is asleep the whole time).

Now that we’ve established that…..let’s move on. On Thursday the 12th I (and some DCers) were privileged to listen to a Joe Theismann interview on The Don and Mike Show (a nationally syndicated talk show that runs in the afternoons here). Joe was actually pretty good and relatively funny. I like Joe (he is a Redskin) and he seems like a likeable guy, but that’s not the issue.

From the interview: (Transcript Here) “Now Don starts asking about Tony Kornheiser, he thinks that Tony is intimidated by Joe. Joe thinks that people tune into Monday Night Football for the great games. Joe says that Tony will be doing his sixth real broadcast…and he is still trying to find his way. Joe thinks that the viewers would grow tired of the two of them bickering real quick. Joe says, stay tuned, it is a long season, and this will come eventually. Joe says that the dynamic of the booth is developing.”

Well sorry Joseph, but you are wrong (and still a horrible announcer). The dynamic of the booth is not developing and that’s a problem. Here’s my new theory…..wait for it…..wait for it!

Tony came into this situation thinking he was going to purposely “ruffle some feathers”. Well now that he’s actually getting along with everyone he’s afraid to call them out. That’s why instead of saying things during the broadcast he waits to use his “revisionist history” in his column…..which isn’t working either.

Also, Tony just isn’t funny. He’s too old and his humor is old as well. On top of that (if that weren’t already enough) his “monologue” at the beginning of every game seems like he’s just reading an old column he wrote in 2003. The New Orleans one was beautiful, but that had social issues attached…..when he waxes poetic about the plight of the Cardinals I want to change the channel.

During the game he just talks in Whatifs and Generalizations. He barely talked the entire second half, but when he did all he said was “What if the Cardinals lose this game?” Here are some quotes from yesterday’s game:

“Matt Leinart of the Phoenix Cardinals.” Not a joke just wanted to show his age.
“If the Cardinals can’t close this one out……close this place and make it a pizza haven.” Seriously, What the hell is a Pizza Haven?
“He looks like the kid from Entourage Vinny Chase”- TK on Matt Leinart. First of all Tony hasn’t been up that late since he was in college. He’s never even seen the show. Second, they don’t look anything alike. He’s grasping.

So what have we figured out? I can tell you exactly how this is going to play out. Like I said last night they have lucked out by the schedule of games so far (Dallas/NYG next week). Every game has had either a subplot or was good enough to keep you interested long enough. Well all hell’s going to break loose in Weeks 8-12. You have the following games…..NE/MIN, OAK/SEA, TB/CAR, NG/JAX, GB/SEA. Most likely that will be Low Scoring Game, Blowout, Low Scoring Game, Low Scoring Game, Blowout.

(Unlike Sunday Night Football….MNF doesn’t have the cushion of a flex schedule.)

Those 5 weeks are when the producers will tell the two to “Mix it up”, but no one will be watching. They will perfect this horrible “bickering” into such an annoyance that in weeks 13-15 (CAR/PHI, CHI/STL, CIN/INDY) everyone will want them to shut up and just comment on the game. Leading to the apocalypse on X-Mas night……..J-E-T-S. JETS JETS JETS at MIAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooo!

Either way I’ll be watching (and live-blogging…no more nights off) every monstrosity. But Hey, I guess it could be worse…..

or we could still be listening to this guy……

UPDATE: The Big Lead has more Tony stuff as well…..be sure to check it out.

This Is A Debacle. (The Big Lead)

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