Mike Brown’s Chapstick

One more point on the Cavs Game 7…..Coach Mike Brown had out-coached Flip Salters (what Hubie Brown called him. A mishmash of Flip Saunders and Sideline Reporter Lisa Salters) for the entire series. Right at the start of the 2nd half the camera showed Mike Brown vigorously putting Chapstick on. He went around his lips about nine times before stopping and going to put the Chapstick back in his pocket. But for some reason that wasn’t enough, and he started Round 2 as the camera panned away. I mention this not because his attention to his dry lips made the Cavs come out sluggish, but he apparently is the only person on earth who uses more Chapstick then I do.

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I had a running favorite for awful call of the week, but then it got surpassed Sunday by my favorite (sarcastic) person in the world…Christopher Berman.

Boomer’s nicknames over the years used to be clever and kind of funny at times, but I think he’s given up trying. The nicknames are often puns on the players’ names or pop-culture references, such as Bert “Be Home” Blyleven (as in “be home by eleven”) and Barry “U.S.” Bonds (based on rhythm and blues musician Gary “U.S.” Bonds). Among the more outlandish are Jose “Won’t You Let Me Take You on a Sea” Cruz, Jake “Daylight Come, and You Gotta” Delhomme and Scott “Supercalifragilisticexpiali-” Brosius. All of those are okay, but he made those up over 5-10 years ago. Here are his two latest contributions:

Mike “You’re in Good Hands with” Alstott

and

Scott “Rock the” Kazmir

The make almost zero sense and made me want to throw something at the television screen. Along with this crappy nicknames he has his awful Swami segment during football season in which he’s a combined 3-93 over the past 6 seasons. The highlight of last season for me was not the Redskins winning a playoff game, but when he almost coughed up a lung trying to say Rah ha ha ha hey Ders.

Here is Christopher obviously drunk at the ESPYs. (And don’t worry….I’ll have a running Diary of the ESPYs this year. That’s Comedy Gold.)

On top of all that he is the host of the Home Run Derby every year. My all-time favorite Berman moment came when Piazza and Schilling were hosting with him, and Sammy Sosa was flailing at pitches. Schilling turns to Piazza and starts doing his impression of Sammy. “Beezbal hasbeen berry berry goo to meh” Spot on impression from Schil. Well Piazza starts cracking up and they are both doing the impression as Slammin’ Sammy puts up another stellar 4 Homers in a round. Berman says on air, “Guys, Come on, quiet down. We’re doing a broadcast here.” There is dead silence for 3 seconds and then uproarous laughter from Schilling. Even when he’s not trying he’s a dick, and he wouldn’t know funny if it kicked him his Rumblin’ Stumblin’ Bumblin’ ass.

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