So I was getting ready to post a Simmons’ Review of the latest Sports Guy vs. Gal thing they are doing now, but I decided against it. Do you want to know why? Because I can! (Just kidding…I’m just bored with it.) Basically the article had way too much on Art Shell…who the hell cares about the Raiders anyways? And, The Sports Gal kiiiilled him this week: 11-5, 8-8. She takes the season series lead.
Any_ways, with the recent “downsizing” at Page 2, I was beginning to think there would be no one good left to write for the site. Basically Simmons would be on an island. Well you know what I found out? That’s exactly the case. Even though Bayless was a complete ass, I always read his stuff…..Same with Jason “I like to crush couches” Whitlock, he wasn’t that bad….and I even enjoyed Shanoff’s thing in the mornings (it’s how I found Deadspin). What’s left you ask?
Well if Page 2 was a basketball team…..for your starters you’ve got a wily veteran in Jim Caple at center (the point of all things point-less), at Shooting Guard is Scoop Jackson (who is on a bigger tennis kick than Mary Carillo at this point), Eric Neel and Bomani Jones are at the 4 & 5 (the Jared Jeffriessss of sports writing), and at PG you have the rookie DJ Gallo (from Sports Pickle fame). And your coach….none other than Mr. Simmons himself (a virtual Larry Brown).
As far as your bench you have: Tim Keown (who?), Mary Buckheit (who?), Kurt Snibbe (um who?), David Fleming (who’s not bad, but writes only once a week), Patrick Hruby (who I like, but tries too hard to be funny), Paul Lukas (I don’t care about uniforms), and everyone’s favorite Pop Culturist….Chuck Klosterman. Oh and one more person who I need your comments on…….
Greg Easterbrook. He does the Tuesday Morning Quarterback thing for Page Deuce. Today was personally the first time I’ve ever read it, and……well…..basically…..I don’t get it.
(View the latest Tuesday Morning QB Article here) I know he’s from NFL.com and he’s versed in all things, well…NFL. But do people actually read this trash? This is going to sound like a joke, but I promise you it’s not……his latest article….
9000 Words and 17 printed pages!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me? There’s not a chance in hell I would read something A) Poorly called the “Tuesday Morning Quarterback”, or B) Something that was a frickin’ novel. Here are the topics he covered in no particular order.
- Cheerleader of the Week
- Stat of the Week
- Stargate SG-1
- Kenneth Star
- Dan Snyder
- Fake Punts
- Sweet Team of the Week
- Sweet Play of the Week
- Sweet Block of the Week
- Sweet and Sour Play of the Week
- Sweet Defensive Play of the Week
- Sour Play of the Week
- Ashton Kutcher
- Sour Play of the Week #2
- Beefcake of the Week
- Buck Buck Brawckkk of the Week
- The CIA
- the International Space Station
- Ronald Reagan Aircraft Carrier
- NFL Primetime
- Wacky Food of the Week
- Howard University
- Higher Education
Umm so yeaaah……Umm, I don’t have that kind of attention span. In fact I don’t think you do either which is why you probably didn’t even make it through the list. And if you did…..bravo. So I’m adding Easterbrook to my repertoire. I will give you his topic rundown every Tuesday just so you can skip reading it all together.