For months now New Yorkers have been looking for someone to “replace” Mike Piazza as the incumbent man to “poke” fun at…..Alas, I think they’ve found their man. One David Allen Wright. Now I’m not one to spread rumors, so I will provide you with physical evidence.

First, he is way too pretty. As a man I can comfortably say that he makes me jealous. He’s young, in the majors, and apparently can hold his liquor. But he has quotes like these, “When I first got to the majors in 2004, female fans held up signs asking me to marry them. Those girls today were what, 13, 14? I’m 23, but that’s a little young even for me.”

Hmmm….so that was the evidence before I saw him on The Late Show with David Letterman on July 12th, 2006. Here’s what I got from Mr. Wright (as the females love to call him):

2:54 into the video- “I like to suck up to Willie, As long as he writes my name in the lineup everyday, I’ll suck up to him. (No Comment)

3:45- His brothers beat him up as a kid. (perhaps wrestling matches?)

4:13- Constantly sticks his tongue out when he plays. (Not sure what this means but it’s funny looking)

7:10- And the tell tale sign…..they played Dave Matthews Band on the outro.

Now if that doesn’t scream _____ then I don’t know what does. So I think that pretty much solves my theory that David Wright is ______. Or he’s a ridiculous baseball player, and I’m jealous of his abilities and dreamy good looks. I think you know the answer to that one…..yea it’s the former.

Ahhh, I feel better now.