There was a rather large Soccer game yesterday, where apparently a man nicknamed Zissou headbutted some dude in the chest??? I must have completely missed that because I was too busy listening to the verbal doo-doo that was coming out of the Announcers’ mouths. (Of course I saw the head butt, and of course I thought it was rad, but come on everyone is writing about that.)
So our month long companions O’Brien and Balboa were the chosen ones to take us through this last and grueling match. And while I will have an entire rundown on them throughout the tournament later (mainly based on this retarded article from the usually reputable Slate) We’ll reserve this space for yesterday’s Championship Game.
At first I didn’t think that they were doing too bad of a job, but alas 2+ hours of Soccer is a long time to not completely stumble over your words. 1st half was relatively flawless (well as flawless as it can be for those two) besides the James Lipton like comments i.e. “And the first half is HISTORY” & “Look at the magical left boot of the glorious Zidane”. Second half and overtime is where they would shine…..
- With Cannavaro making a great defensive play Balboa threw this out, “He’s been the nail back there that has kept the defense together.” Really Balbs, what does that even mean? You can’t just take common sports phrases, mush them together and try to make a new one suitable for your sport (he did this the whole tournament).
- During Penalty Kicks as Pirlo from Italy buries the first kick straight down the middle past Barthez, Balboa explains, “Barthez dives the wrong way.” Now technically I did not do that well in Physics in college (D+, C-), but to save that ball that Pirlo kicked it probably would been beneficial if Barthez didn’t dive at all. But like I said….I’m not the person to answer that question.
- This wasn’t really Mike Tirico’s fault because he is doing what he is told by ABC, but come on…a cut-away to the Western Cialis Open PGA event right before penalty kicks in the biggest game in the entire world?!?! That’s just appalling….way to kill the mood ABC. “Hey, stick around for the Western Cialis Open after the Penalty Kicks in the World Cup” (Tirico) F-off ABC.
- This was a close runner up to the best comment of the day, and in fact it infuriated me when it was said, but number 5 was so ridiculous it had to be the best of the day. As Zidane is up-ended and hurts his should Balboa starts this exchange with O’Brien, “I think he hurts his shoulder there” (as Zidane points right to his shoulder as the medics run out)…“That’s the sign for sub.” Or it’s the sign that you have a hurt shoulder ass?!?!? There are no subs up, and you just stated a second before that he hurt his shoulder. Then the juggernaut duo tried to turn this into a “Zidane is God” angle for the rest of the game. Does anyone really think that Zidane would have come out of that game, in extra time no less, unless he was laying dead on the pitch? (Well that and a red card)
And my personal favorite….a perfect end to the tournament from our man Davey O’Brien….at the start of overtime he tosses this out there for the masses…..
“We’ll stay for both overtimes and penalty kicks”
I really don’t have to comment on this do I? Okay I will anyways. It’s the biggest game on the F’ing Planet you tool!!! I know only 1 out of 16 people in the U.S. watch the game compared to 1 out of 6 in the rest of the world, but that’s approximately 18 million people (based on previous year’s data)!!! If you changed it over to the crap-ass Western Cialis Open there would be a riot on your hands.
I can understand messing up Foreign player names, and even trying to bring up political topics to connect with American viewers, but are you that much of an Americanized idiot to think that ABC wouldn’t “stick around”. Come on…..
More on them later…..read the Slate article above, and post comments please. (P.S.- This would have been up sooner, but I spent an hour trying to find a picture of Dave O’Brien….but to no avail. So I leave you with French Goal Keeper Barthez’s nuts. Such a beautiful pose.)